16 February 2012

7 years

This July I will be facing my 7th anniversary of my MS diagnosis. There are times I lay awake in the middle of the night - my mind shuffling through all the worries that take over and dominate my thoughts...Many of the things I was told by the diagnosing neurologist have come to fruition – including my body’s poor reaction to just about every drug on the market. The one treatment I’m on now is the one he initially wanted me to take – but it had been pulled for further study. The hands-down scariest thing I was told was that within 10 years, my relapsing remitting MS would advance and become a primary progressive case. I know they have no way to know this for sure, but I look at my track record thus far and quite frankly, while I'm doing OK right now, I have blown through 5 different treatment options and am currently on the last FDA approved treatment now... because of extenuating circumstances, I can only remain on this treatment for so long – and that’s assuming I don’t experience any relapses while on it.  So what do I do next? If the original neurologist is correct, I have less than 3 years to get a hold on this dumb disease and begin charting my own course.  I’ve (re)joined a women’s fitness center and started on their nutrition program – likely subconsciously  grasping at straws – hoping that something will catch & head my system in the right direction… I think my husband knows this as well – but he’s not willing to talk about it out loud.  Maybe speaking the words makes them a bit more real?  *sigh*

Well – that’s where my brain has been the last few weeks.