09 February 2009

Good / Bad Days - and Fighting Back

Every person in the world faces good days and bad days. There are varying degrees of both, right? Good days can range from just being grateful that nothing major went wrong on a particular day to feeling like you are on top of the world and nothing can bring you down. Bad days range from mild annoyances at work/home to having the world crash down around you (metaphorically speaking of course).

This weekend my husband came home from work and noticed I wasn’t very ‘chipper’ and asked me if I had a bad day.

“Uh huh” I replied.

“What kind of bad day? Just in general, kids, or MS?”

“Bad MS day… you don’t really want to know.”

“I’m your husband… that pretty much means I need to know” he pressed.

So – I told him about my day and the problems I was dealing with. I honestly HATE that part of this disease. I’m not going to bore you or embarrass myself by sharing all the details – let’s just say I ran out of ‘spoons’!

Any time I have a bad MS day – or moment – there is that fleeting moment where I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and hide from humanity. That moment that I feel like a broken person... I’m sure that is natural (at least I hope so!). But after that moment of self-pity – it turns into anger & a drive to fight back.

I see so much media coverage on Breast Cancer, Parkinson’s, and HIV (just to name a few) – and the drives to raise money towards finding a cure for these diseases – it annoys me at how little attention Multiple Sclerosis receives. My guess is this happens because Cancer, Parkinson’s, and HIV all follow a somewhat predictable path throughout the course of the disease – whereas Multiple Sclerosis is like playing the slots every day… you just never know what combination you could end up with from day to day. There is so much mystery and uncertainty with this disease – you just can’t tell what will happen from day to day – let alone week to week!

I am striving to fight back and regain control. I cannot allow MS to rule my life or factor into my life decisions.