10 October 2010
Funny - that one word can make such a huge difference in our lives.
Acceptance of the diagnosis is something I’ve been yo-yoing around with for the last 9 years. Somehow though - I have to wonder if I’ve ever truly accepted it. I was formally diagnosed with RRMS just over 5 years ago.
Does having RRMS make it a bit harder to accept? I say that because there are times in between relapses that I don’t even think about it & how my world may need to / has needed to change. On the flip-side of that – give me a bad MS day – and watch out! The tears are flowing, the anger is building, and although I received the diagnosis quite some time ago, it’s like I was just told for the first time all over again. The fear of the unknown.
I think (and hope) that I’m getting better with the whole acceptance thing. I’ve been open & honest with just about everyone with my diagnosis – maybe everyone but myself. I adamantly refuse to allow MS to rule my world – and for the most part I do pretty darn good at that… but it’s those brief moments of defeat – when I know that a side effect / symptom of this windy curvy life path we’re on has caused me to stumble that make me question myself.
Have I actually dealt with and accepted the diagnosis?
Which brings up even more questions – If I haven’t, do I even want to? If I fully give acceptance to this diagnosis – does that mean I’ve given in or given up? That’s a mental battle I fight quite often.
Then I step back & look at it – I believe one thing… I have accepted that I have a war to fight.
So – maybe that is what acceptance of this diagnosis is all about… I could accept & give in. I could accept & give up. Or I can accept & turn it into a battle cry.
That said - the war has started & the fight is on! :)