Every time I speak with a support nurse, and she asks me to outline a typical week – her immediate question is ‘are you trying to make yourself worse & trying to provoke a relapse?’ I am not ever sure how to answer that one… I definitely wasn’t sure how to answer that one today! Is that what I’m trying to do? I wouldn’t think so. Maybe - in some way - I am afraid of stopping. I don’t want to stop – and then be in a position where I can’t get started again… does that make sense? I am afraid of being in a position where I have to actually admit that I am unable / incapable of doing everything… that’s not me.
So where do I draw the line – you know that proverbial line in the sand that says anything that is beyond this line is okay to let go of for now – but everything else needs to be maintained with priority? Furthermore, once that line is drawn, how do we know what goes on either side of that line?
I’m worn out. I’m tired. I’m disappointed… but I have a decision to make – and I’m being told that it’s well past time that the decision is made – so – hopefully I’ll make the right one.