11 June 2009

Balancing Acts

Life is already a pretty crazy balancing act… We try to do as much as possible – and sometimes end up with too many things to balance effectively…

You know how when you try to carry too much laundry at once – and inevitably there are at least two or three socks that don’t seem to make it down the hallway to the washroom? My thought is that life is a lot like that… At least – that’s what my life feels like right now. Between home, work, doctor appointments, and karate classes for our daughter, I have the feeling that I am losing my grip on a load that has become quite heavy. So – now it is time that I have to make a decision… do I take a purposed step to reevaluate all the items I am attempting to juggle & purposely set one down? or - do I continue onward and just hope and pray that I make it through without dropping everything?

Every time I speak with a support nurse, and she asks me to outline a typical week – her immediate question is ‘are you trying to make yourself worse & trying to provoke a relapse?’ I am not ever sure how to answer that one… I definitely wasn’t sure how to answer that one today! Is that what I’m trying to do? I wouldn’t think so. Maybe - in some way - I am afraid of stopping. I don’t want to stop – and then be in a position where I can’t get started again… does that make sense? I am afraid of being in a position where I have to actually admit that I am unable / incapable of doing everything… that’s not me.

So where do I draw the line – you know that proverbial line in the sand that says anything that is beyond this line is okay to let go of for now – but everything else needs to be maintained with priority? Furthermore, once that line is drawn, how do we know what goes on either side of that line?

I’m worn out. I’m tired. I’m disappointed… but I have a decision to make – and I’m being told that it’s well past time that the decision is made – so – hopefully I’ll make the right one.