The last few weeks have been rough MS weeks for me. Too much self inflicted stress. Trying to do to much and take care of everything for everyone at work.
It is very humbling and difficult to accept when you realize that you just arent the same person you were two or three years ago.
Last night was a very teary night in my home. The realization that I just couldnt do something I had committed to doing. I was unable to make a meeting and there was no one to blame but myself.
Somehow I know it would have been so much easier for me if I had to miss the meeting because of someone else. Honestly, if one of my children didnt feel well I wouldnt beat myself up over that. That cant be controlled.
Add to that, my daughter asked to be carried upstairs to bed last night. I just couldnt do it and told her I didnt feel good. "You NEVER feel good!" she said before she stompped to the stairs on her own.
For some reason I still believe that I should be able to control this MS beast. I will - dont get me wrong, I will never stop trying to defeat it, but I need to start looking again where I spend my time and energy. Those things need to be in the proper priority order first.
Anyway... Hopefully I will be able to start on the new medication soon because it really sucks to know there is something wrong... to feel something wrong and not be able to do a darned thing about it.